He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
