I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
