I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
