I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
