Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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