Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My breasts were aching with rage.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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