Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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