haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
