Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
