Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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