How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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