i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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