$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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