Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
