either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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