Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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