your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
