Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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