ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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