fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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