What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
