So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
