I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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