I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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