Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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