The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
