I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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