Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
