Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
