I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
