oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she told me i tasted like america
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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