bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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