I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
