Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
