is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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