you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
