I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
