I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
