none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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