a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i came on her dog
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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