that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
