I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
