Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
