Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
