is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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