Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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