Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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