Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them