piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.