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• (619): View more from California

  dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.

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• (310): View more from California

  My entire life is one complicated drinking game

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.

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  19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea

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• (714): View more from California

  sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.

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  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (646): View more from New York

  congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism

  (917): View more from New York City

  cool. same. I'm in class drinking

  (646): View more from New York

  NOT OKAY

  (917): View more from New York City

  sorry for partying

  (646): View more from New York

  THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS

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• (760): View more from California

  They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.

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