I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
vagina is talking i cant
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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