when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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