My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
