just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just pee around me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
