I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
