So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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