she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
