Nicole vs. Life
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
