Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
