I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
