You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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