I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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