bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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