Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
