just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
