Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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